I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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