I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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