Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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