were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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