She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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