Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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