The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
