dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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