She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
