chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
