no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
