her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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