Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
