I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
