I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
