is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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