They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
