Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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