I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
