Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
