I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
