oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
