I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
