I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
