It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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