My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize