I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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