I smell stomach acid.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize