3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
