Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
