We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
