He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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