I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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