This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Your penis caused this!
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
