she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
