I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Someone signed my nipple.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
