i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
