OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
