sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize