oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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