she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
