Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
