just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
