I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize