so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My dick has a subreddit
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize