Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
