So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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