Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
