at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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