apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
