dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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