Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
it's like iHOP with fire
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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