dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
She needs sedatives and a leash
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
