I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize