Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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