You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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