The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Randomize
