Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
