listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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