So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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