and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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