In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
