Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
