She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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